“The cat sat on the mat” is a simple declarative sentence. Six words of one syllable. It’s not very impressive, is it? If you write stuff like that, your readers aren’t going to say, “What an impressive writer.” So let’s see how we might jazz it up and maybe unearth some techniques that will help us sound clever.
How to jazz up a simple text
1. Make the nouns longer
First, let’s look for any simple nouns. Instead of cat, we might say feline quadruped. And how about mat? We could call it a coir floor covering.
So we can write:
The feline quadruped sat on the coir floor covering.
Now we’ve increased the word count by half, and more than doubled the total syllables.
2. Make the verbs longer
Let’s now look for any simple one-word verbs. There’s just the one: sat. We could pad that out to adopted a sedentary posture.
That gives us:
The feline quadruped adopted a sedentary posture on the coir floor covering.
We’ve now doubled the original word count and just about quadrupled the syllable count. Now let’s see how we can make the sentence a bit more refined and abstract.
3. Change the active to the passive
We can turn the sentence around by using the passive voice instead of the active, and make “sedentary posture” into the subject:
A sedentary posture was adopted by the feline quadruped on the coir floor covering.
4. Move your nouns away from the start of the sentence
It’s more impressive if the sentence doesn’t start with any obvious subject – that way, the reader has to work a bit harder to figure out what you’re saying. We can be a bit creative here and pad it out with some additional words, like this:
With regard to the occupation of the coir floor covering by the feline quadruped, the posture adopted was a sedentary one.
5. Add a bit of padding
If in doubt, you can generally add at this point in time:
With regard to the occupation of the coir floor covering by the feline quadruped, the posture adopted at this point in time was a sedentary one.
6. Add a couple more bits of padding
You can also safely add phrases like we duly note and it now becomes increasingly clear:
We duly note that with regard to the occupation of the coir floor covering by the feline quadruped, it now becomes increasingly clear that the posture adopted at this point in time was a sedentary one.
And hey presto, we’re up to 36 words: that’s six times as many as we started with. And it’s 54 syllables, which is nine times what we started with.
This exercise formed part of a memorable communications lecture* goodness-knows-how-many years ago when I was at business school. The purpose of the exercise was to show us how we could easily get to the required word count for an assignment or dissertation and impress our lecturer, without doing any research or original thinking.
And of course the punchline was: Your lecturer isn’t stupid. We can see exactly what you’re doing. So don’t try it.
How text gets bloated
Now, here’s the thing: there’s a heck of a lot of content out there that’s been written in, or mangled into, the bloated ‘posture-adopted-by-the-feline-quadruped’ style. You may see it, or something like it, in:
- Product descriptions
- Technical specifications
- Legal notices
- Process and policy documents
- Company reports
- Marketing material
- Web content written for search engine optimisation (SEO)
Why? I guess some writers feel they have to impress their readers the way students might feel the need to impress their lecturer. Or they just think it has to be long and complicated, for various reasons. To cover themselves, perhaps. It happens especially with second and subsequent versions of co-authored documents. Death by a thousand “Let’s just add this for clarity” edits.
Let’s have a look at some hypothetical examples.
Example 1: Policy document
Official version
Employees may submit claims for reimbursement of reasonable and justifiable travel-related expenditures, examples of which may include, but are not necessarily limited to, standard-class train fares, accommodation costs incurred during business-related overnight stays, and other associated expenses deemed appropriate under the prevailing organisational policy on work-related travel, subject to review and approval in accordance with established financial governance procedures.
In-a-nutshell version
Employees may claim reasonable travel expenses – for example, train fares and accommodation costs – in accordance with company policy.
Example 2: Product spec written for SEO
SEO-stuffed product spec
Discover the ultimate in premium audio quality with our state-of-the-art wireless noise-cancelling headphones. Designed for audiophiles and casual listeners alike, these cutting-edge Bluetooth over-ear headphones feature advanced active noise cancellation (ANC) technology, allowing you to immerse yourself in pure, uninterrupted sound whether you’re commuting, working, or relaxing. With an ergonomic, lightweight design and all-day battery life, these high-fidelity headphones offer crystal-clear sound, deep bass, and rich mids, making them the perfect choice for music lovers, professionals, and gamers. Whether you need wireless travel headphones, headphones for work, or just an immersive listening experience, this product is engineered to exceed expectations. Order now for the best in wireless audio technology.
Concise version
Experience crystal-clear sound with our wireless noise-cancelling headphones – sleek, comfortable, and built for all-day listening.
Example 3: Pub restaurant menu
What they call it
Line-caught North Atlantic cod, delicately coated in a crisp, golden craft beer batter, served with hand-cut triple-cooked Maris Piper chips, a side of buttered garden peas, and a house-made tartare emulsion.
What it really is
Cod and chips with peas.
I could go on. But you get the idea. There’s an awful lot of inflated language out there. That’s where an editor comes in handy.
What does an editor do?
An editor from outside of your organisation can bring a fresh perspective to your content, help to clarify what it’s for and who it’s for, and suggest improvements.
Editing isn’t just about cutting words – though sometimes it is. Your editor may streamline your text, but in some cases, the final version might be just as long or even longer. The goal isn’t brevity for its own sake, but making the text as clear, engaging, and useful to the reader as possible.
Editing can take many forms, from light proofreading to copyediting, developmental editing, or even major rewriting, depending on what the text needs.
Clarity, engagement, and usefulness were once nice-to-have qualities – valuable, but not always essential. Today, they’re a must-have. Today – with endless content competing for attention – anything unclear, dull, or unhelpful risks being ignored entirely. If your message doesn’t connect quickly and effectively, it simply won’t land.
Especially in the era of AI. These days, you can easily pad out your text with minimal thought. As an experiment, I asked ChatGPT to pad out the cat-on-the-mat sentence. If you’re feeling strong enough, read this:
Following an extensive and meticulous examination of the present circumstances, it has been duly determined and brought to the attention of all relevant parties that the domesticated feline quadruped – commonly categorised within the taxonomic family Felidae – has, of its own volition and without evident coercion, assumed a position of rest upon the fibrous, woven, and presumably textile-based floor covering, widely recognised in colloquial terminology as a “mat”. The precise nature of the feline’s posture can be accurately classified as one of a seated disposition, with all indications suggesting a deliberate and intentional act of physical repose occurring at this particular juncture in time. The broader implications of this observable phenomenon remain a subject of potential inquiry, particularly in relation to the cat’s motivational framework, environmental preferences, and overarching behavioural tendencies.
With AI, anyone can generate excessive verbosity. But only a skilled human editor – perhaps with AI as an assistant, not a substitute – can distil complexity into clarity, making sure the message truly resonates with its intended audience.
Want to know more about my editing services?
*I haven’t named the lecturer out of respect for his privacy, as we’re not in touch. But if you happen to read this, you’ll know who you are. I’d be happy to update this footnote to give credit where it’s due.